my Personal Life
My Early Age
Lesson 1: “Being good or bad is a personal choice that depends on me.”
I was born in the East Region of Cameroon, a small country in Central Africa. My birth occurred on a beautiful sunny day in the hospital’s front yard, out in the open, as I didn’t want to wait until my mother completed her attempt to rush inside. A single mother raised my elder brother and me; my father remains unknown. Early on, I quickly noticed instances where children from “normal” families ended up either in jail or turned out to be bad; meanwhile, other kids who were just like me ended up just fine. This first-hand experience taught me that being good or bad also depended on me. To date, the need to know my biological father is nonexistent. Since I am proud of the man I am, I am thankful to my father for not attempting to get to know me. I am unsure I would have been who I am if my childhood had been different. Since my mom was gone to work most of the day, playing was a hot priority on my agenda. I always hopped to remember to stop early enough and return home to do my chores. My hopeful attempt at self-control at my young age was a catastrophic yet joyful failure. Not being supervised affected my school performance even though I was an average student. I got in trouble a lot during my childhood because I loved playing too much. When I played, I was absorbed and wholly immersed in the game; the world around me stopped, and homework or house chores vanished from my memory until I had to explain to my mom why nothing was done.
Lesson 2: “My first best friend helped and always stood by me.”
In my second year of middle school, my grades were not good, and my mom didn’t have money to “negotiate” the option of continuing my education at my school or paying for private school. The only school willing to accept me was about thirty-five miles away from home. I enrolled in that school at thirteen, and this was the first time I started living alone, away from any parent or relative. Living alone and far from any parent while attending school at such a young age was one of my life’s most intense and eventful years. Luckily, I met a schoolmate who became my first-ever best friend. When I ran out of food, my friend and I would walk home thirty-five miles one-way. When I got home, I was so exhausted that my whole body was throbbing for hours; I would sleep an entire day; my mom was not happy with me, given all the risks and dangers associated with walking a thirty-five-mile distance. The academic year was a disaster, but that year away helped me mature faster as a man.
Leaving alone exposed me to so much. One unique life experience that I dealt with was being accused, on several occasions, of things that I didn’t do. Some accusations were so severe and embarrassing that I felt ashamed and powerless. Luckily, I had my childhood best friend who always stood by me. One day, my neighbor accused me of stealing food from a pot in her locked bedroom. She said that I crawled under the door to get in. The truth is that I spent that entire day at my friend’s family, and he came to my place to make sure I got home safely. Things got so bad that my friend asked me to pack my stuff and live with them one day. I went and lived with my friend’s family without any of us ever asking his parents’ permission. They thought I was there for a sleepover, and little did we know, I ended up finishing my school year living with them. I left my friend and his family with a heavy heart when my mom sent one of my aunts to get me.
Lesson 3: “A simple and kind decision can uplift someone out of homelessness.”
The following year, I went to live with my uncle more than one hundred miles away. This experience was the first time in my life that I had felt a true sense of family. Everyone in my new family welcomed me. All the kids were supervised and treated the same; chores were equally shared, and my school performance drastically improved. I was one of the best students at school and graduated four years later from middle school with flying colors and honors. Unfortunately, I had to leave because the small town didn’t have a high school. I reunited with my mother three hundred and fifty miles away. That year, by the time I arrived, the public high school was nearly at capacity. Still, I could enroll in literature, a section that was not suited for me, but I had no choice. Unfortunately for me, my mom had to leave again that year for her work, and I had to stay back because it was the middle of the school year. I was once again left alone but stayed with my mom’s friend and his wife. I was seventeen years old at the time. Things didn’t go well with the lady of the house for reasons I cannot disclose here. One day, I came home from school, found all my belongings in the front yard in the rain, and was not allowed to enter the house. Getting kicked out was the first time in my life that I experienced homelessness. With no money and no one to turn to, I was lost, not knowing what to do or where to go. Again, my blessing came through a schoolmate and neighbor who took my belongings and allowed me to stay with them temporarily until I could travel and be reunited with my mother and brother hundreds and eighty miles away at the end of the school year.
Lesson 4: “Failure is everything falling in place for timely life-changing encounters.”
I lived with my mother and brother in this new town for five years. Life went back to what it was during my early childhood. The only difference was that I was eighteen years old. My mother worked from nine in the morning to eleven at night and sometimes the next day. I had to get her from work and walk home with her late at night several times. With her gone, for the most part, I was responsible for most house chores, grocery shopping, and cooking. My mom trusted me over my elder brother and gave me her entire monthly salary to run the house. My mother taught me how to cook and do everything around the house. I did my best never to disappoint my mother, but being responsible for running the house affected my education. I was always tired; I failed at school and had to repeat every class. I ended up graduating from high school at the age of twenty-three. Little did I know that the fact that I repeated every class was not a failure but a blessing in disguise. I gained valuable survival skills; meanwhile, everything fell into place for a once-in-a-lifetime encounter that changed my life for good.
Lesson 5: “A Life-changing friendship sometimes starts unexpectedly.”
Two years before graduating high school, I met my best friend, who, initially, was my brother’s friend. He was a college student, and we got along better than he got along with my brother. I was involved in the Catholic church, but my brother was not. On Sundays, when he was home from school break, he would come to get me, and we would go to church together. Over time, our friendship grew more substantial to the point where his friendship with my brother withered. He introduced me to entrepreneurship selling dry fish. Through his guidance, I started my entrepreneurial activities with the equivalent of seven dollars. At the end of three months, my working capital grew to around one hundred dollars. Revenues from entrepreneurship and tutoring allowed me to contribute to our home expenditures. I believe that my success as an entrepreneur and our strong involvement in church is what brought us closer. He was eager to see me graduate high school so we could both attend the same college. After graduating high school, I moved to college in Yaoundé (the capital), where he welcomed me. Looking back at this phase of my life, I learned that everything always happens for a reason and that, sometimes, what we perceive as failure is everything falling into place at the right time. Meeting my best friend through my brother changed my life, and I am not sure we would have met if it wasn’t for the fact that I failed and repeated every class in high school.
My Last two Years
in Cameroon
Lesson 6: “Hunger is a powerful motivator that triumphs over education.”
Moving to Yaoundé and going to college was a transformational life experience. My best friend and I came from low-income families, but thanks to his entrepreneurial spirit, he could pay for college and the cost of living. My best friend helped me enroll and settle and showed me the ropes. The first year in Yaoundé was challenging, and the next one was even worse for me. My mom could only afford to provide me with sixteen dollars and some food. The rent for my room cost the equivalent of eleven dollars, so I was only left with five dollars in cash for the entire month. I had to quickly figure out how to earn money while attending college to study chemistry. My friend helped me secure a tutoring job where I made sixteen dollars a month, but it was always challenging to get paid. There were moments when all I had left was drinking water, my bed, and the four walls of my bedroom. In those days, I silently prayed to God to give me abundant wealth, and I would ensure that no one I know would ever have to experience that type of hunger. There were moments amid my starvation and miseries when I thought the pinky finger of the president of the republic was happier than me, a college student because it probably never experienced needs. I never wanted to bother my friend, and he didn’t know that I spent some days eating nothing. At times, when I was so broke and desperately needed money, I had to choose between school and food. Those days, my hunger easily triumphed over education. Instead of going to school, I would use the machete to cut the grass all day at farms to get paid four dollars and then get fired the same day because my manual labor skills weren’t good enough.
Back then, attending college was an obstacle course and a good motivator not to go to school. You had to get to campus at least two hours early to secure a seat. The classroom (amphitheater) built for one thousand students was always overcrowded, with more than two thousand students for one class. The building was so old that the microphone and speakers didn’t work, many students came to disturb the class, and there was nothing anyone could do. Students had to rely on their handwritten notes or make copies of others’ notes. Even though I was studying chemistry, we never had access to a laboratory for experimentation. The books were costly and unaffordable. These rough conditions explain why most people who experienced that environment excel in western colleges.
Lesson 7: “True friendship is a consistent genuine selfless act.”
One day, my best friend suggested that both play the U.S. American Diversity Lottery, which I had never heard of. I reminded him I had no money and that should I have any, it would be used for food instead. My friend said not to worry because he would cover the cost for both of us. We filled out the forms, took the required photos, and mailed everything. He paid for everything, including lunch for both of us that day. The DV Lottery generally takes two years from the application submission to visa issuance. A long time passed, and since we had yet to hear back, we assumed neither of us was selected; therefore, we continued balancing grinding for survival and college. Since we didn’t have a formal address, we used the nearby store’s P.O Box as our home address. Using a store address was general business practice between students and local stores. When students received mail, the store displayed their names on a list. To retrieve their mail, if they had received any, students had to pay roughly thirty-five cents to the store in exchange.
One day, after spending the entire day downtown walking, selling things left and right, my friend and I decided to check if there was any mail for either of us. I unexpectedly saw my name on an old list, which seemed odd. I wasn’t sure, and I thought it was a mistake because I couldn’t imagine anyone writing to me. Even my girlfriend at the time seemed embarrassed to reply to me letters. I had never received any mail from that place since moving into town. My friend and I inquired; the store clerk handed me a big white envelope with my name. We paid the fees and noticed the mail came from Plymouth, a place I had never heard of and could not locate on the map. None of us made the connection with the DV Lottery, so we decided to wait to open the envelope until we got to my room. When we opened the envelope, the cover letter congratulated me, informing me that I had been selected for the DV Lottery 2000 and that I had to complete the enclosed forms and return everything within a specific timeframe. That night, we celebrated quietly, just the two of us but remained discrete. Since we both spoke French primarily, we asked the help of a trustworthy English-speaking neighbor who helped us fill out the forms and mail the packet back on time. The letter contained instructions regarding the process, the required documents, and the timeline. My friend and I worked tirelessly to either find the money or someone who could help get the necessary documents. For instance, I traveled hundreds of miles away to ask my uncle, who was a police officer, to help me get a passport, and he did. He even gave me one of his ties that I used when I took the passport picture.
My friend and I worked tirelessly and discretely to ensure I had gathered everything and attended my appointment. A few months later, we received another sealed envelope I had to take to the U.S. Embassy with my passport, medical records, background checks, education records, shots, and many other required documents. We both went to the U.S. Embassy on my appointment day, but he was not allowed inside. He patiently waited outside the imposing gate and wished me good luck as I went through security. I spent a few hours inside, was interviewed, and was issued another sealed envelope. The embassy employee instructed that I had to travel to the United States within three months, that I would have to present the sealed envelope at the U.S. port of entry, and wished me good luck. I was delighted! I rushed outside to share the good news and told my friend I would travel to the U.S. This is when we realized we didn’t have money and could not afford to purchase a plane ticket that would have cost seventeen hundred dollars.
I want to pause briefly to make you realize how a simple decisions can transform someone’s life beyond any imagination. My best friend decided to pay for my DV Lottery application. That decision uplifted me from misery and hunger to abundance. There is no price tag for his kind gesture towards me, even though I was not his blood relative. I will never be able to pay him back; therefore, can only pay it forward.
Lesson 8: “Where there is a will, there is a way; It takes a village to raise a child are more than slogans.”
With a visa issued, we knocked at any and every door possible, asking for a loan to pay for my plane ticket. No one was willing to risk giving their money to two poor students, with one clearly planning to leave for another country. Those willing to see beyond our lack of credibility required guarantees worth their risk. They were asking for things like a piece of land, property, or anything tangible to offer as a guarantee, and we had none. Luckily, my friend had a friend who worked at a store. This friend was in good relationships with the store owners, who also had other connections. He spoke to one of those extended connections who trusted him enough to consider lending us money but also needed a guarantee we did not have. Knowing our situation, he asked if we knew someone trustworthy and willing to vouch for me by accepting the full responsibility to repay his money if I defaulted. Scrambling in my head, the only person who came to mind was my uncle, the police officer who helped me with my passport. I contacted him, and he agreed to assume full responsibility for my loan. His kind gesture allowed us to secure a seventeen hundred dollars loan for my plane ticket. The terms of the agreement were that I had to repay double. After speaking to my cousin in the U.S., he encouraged me to accept the deal knowing that I could repay once I started working. On October 16, 2000, I boarded the plane for the first time at age twenty-five, destination, the United States of America.
Let’s take a step back to mention that the DV Lottery requires either an Affidavit of Support or enough savings in a bank account to survive at least three months in the U.S. I was very fortunate that, three years earlier, my cousin had moved to the US with his wife. When he learned that I won the DV Lottery, he and his wife happily agreed to provide me with an Affidavit of Support. In lesson 3, when mentioned that “I had experienced a true sense of family” at my uncle’s, that was my cousin’s father. My cousin and I were close, but he left for high school in a different town the year I went and lived with his family. It was good for me to have him as someone to look up to. My cousin and his sister were older than me and they served as role models during that time, influencing me to be one of the best students at school.
Looking back on my life in Cameroon, I realize I have experienced the true meaning and different levels of friendship. Since then, I have not experienced another relationship with a perfect stranger who has become a true friend thus far in this lifetime. From my experiences in Cameroon, I can say that I am living proof of the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I have learned that no one can succeed alone, even the poorest among us have something to give, and no one has lived fully until they have experienced true friendship. Above all, everything happens at the right time and for a reason, and it is ok not to understand why things happen the way they do.
New Life in America.
Lesson 9: “Culture is an integral part of human identity.”
On October 17, 2000, I landed at JFK Airport, NY. My cousin had instructed me to use a phone booth and call collect to let them know. I called and then boarded a plane for the second time, headed to Minneapolis, MN. Life in the United States was drastically different, and I felt lost. The neighborhood seemed like a ghost town, with everyone always in their house, empty streets, activities restricted to a few shopping or commercial centers, and no hustling and bustling that became my new norm in Cameroon. Houses and streets looked the same to me. Everything seemed so quiet that I felt America was the land of the dead. I missed home so much that I spent most of my time calling my friends and genuinely wanted to return home. Luckily, I got a job at McDonald’s despite needing to speak English better. When I received my first paychecks, I couldn’t believe how much money it was when converting the value into Cameroonian currency. This job allowed me to repay my plane ticket loan in a few months. In the U.S., everyone seemed to speak too fast for me to catch a word. With that, it became clear that I had to improve my English and make new friends for my new life in the strange land to have meaning. So, one day, I saw a U.S. Army commercial on TV showing people jumping out of a helicopter and running in the woods. I felt interested in doing the same thing. At the end of the advertisement, there was a number to call, and I called the recruiter.
Lesson 10: “The quickest way to learn something is to immerse oneself in it.”
The U.S. Army recruiter came home and talked to my family, they asked me if it was something I wanted to do, and I said yes. The recruiter sent me to the Military Entry Processing Station (MEPS), where they tested my English, translated my diplomas, and enrolled me in the Military through the Delayed Entry Program. Just six months after my arrival, I was sent to Fort Jackson, SC, where I spent five months completing my Basic and Advanced Individual Training. I graduated on September 13, 2001, four days after the 9-11 attack on the World Trade Center. I served in the Military from 2001 to 2015 as an enlisted and later as a commissioned officer. I served seven years of active and seven years of reserve duty, credited with three combat tours. Being in the Military forced me to learn English quicker, understand and immerse myself in the US culture. Joining the Military is one of my best decisions since moving to the United States. Thanks to the U.S. Army, I am a professional Human Resources Manager; I’ve used my G.I. Bill to graduate from college and am currently working on my MBA. I am proficient in English, have traveled the world, am a member of a community with standards and shared values (brotherhood), and I’ve rubbed shoulders and witnessed various aspects of hardship, life, and death. It has given me a better appreciation of life and reinforced my interest in human well-being, happiness, and fulfillment.
Lesson 11: “Money acts upon humans as fertilizer acts on grass. It feeds and lets both good and evil flourish equally, ultimately unveils human beings’ true nature.”
Getting out of the Military in 2015 was difficult because the military life was all I knew and it gave me everything. Still, I had no choice since I was medically retired. My life outside of the Military has been very intense. I started several startups and failed several times. The few times when success was eminent, I witnessed the power of money upon human beings. On a few occasions, I was betrayed and abandoned by those I thought were friends or business partners when our startups either started to make money or there were promises of money. My spirituality and the pursuit of entrepreneurship are my natural and genuine passions. The decision to follow what I love doing contributed to my divorce, homelessness, loss of my house financed through the VA Home Loan, the custody of my beautiful daughters, debts, near bankruptcy, and much more. Like some childhood experiences, I was yet again accused of ignoble acts I did not commit. In addition to rubbing my shoulders yet again with death on multiple occasions, wrongful accusations almost got me into prison.
To some extent, I have experienced what it means to be black in America. I have been at the receiving end of what people call “White privileges .” Fortunately for me, the truth prevailed in the court of law. It became clear that there were individuals determined to use their white privileges, access, and money to get me in legal trouble at every opportunity. They used the fact that I desperately wanted to keep custody of my children despite being financially broke to constantly bring me back to court, knowing that I could not afford the legal fees that were piling up. I faced two choices: (1) fight a losing battle or (2) leave that environment to restart a new life. With my family’s advice, assistance, and encouragement, I chose to live to see my children grow because, as I wrote to the judge, “a dead father is as useless as one in prison.” Giving up custody and leaving my children behind was one of the most challenging decisions ever made, yet the healthiest for my daughters and me. Curiously, it has brought us even closer and taught me to love them deeply in ways that I never thought were possible. The intensity of my first three years of life outside the Military gave me a front-row seat to witness money’s power on human beings. Individuals who chanted in my ears how much they love me were quick to abandon me in times of need. They made up ignoble claims against me when they felt the possibility that my decision to follow my true passions could impact their material possessions.
Lesson 12: “Following your true passion is the path to happiness, even if it leads to a lonely journey.”
Many people don’t know that my quest for spiritual growth has been since childhood. Like most, I followed Catholicism by default since it is my family’s religion. I was already helping in the choir at six, with my grandpa serving as a Deacon. At some point, I wanted to become a priest. The church sent me to a spiritual retreat at a seminary where I lived and prayed with individuals aspiring to become priests. I served the church on various levels, but from my experience, I learned that following the church and serving God are two separate things. One can be a genuine Christian without serving human religious institutions regardless of denomination.
Twenty-seven years ago, I decided to follow a spiritual path in my quest for knowledge about life, God’s Will, Human Happiness, and finding meaning and purpose. This choice led me to the conviction that happiness is a matter of choice. Following my genuine passion is the only pathway to happiness and fulfillment. Anyone who genuinely loves you will support and help you unconditionally like my best friends did; however, if the quest for your happiness leads to a lonely road, remember the wisdom “you are better off being alone than in bad company.” Hardship is the fast track to personal and spiritual growth for those capable of “learning from their misfortunes” instead of “blaming their life circumstances.” Everyone is the architect of their life and master of their destiny. Living by the fundamental truths of life guarantees God’s protection, Love, and Justice, which is why wisdom says, “Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap” in hundred folds. From the blessings of my misfortunes, I discovered that anyone who has not learned and been able to forgive others would remain an eternal enslaved person. Forgiveness is allowing oneself to be free, move on with life, and let the perpetrator handle their vices while giving room for God’s Justice to act impartially and objectively. It is out of my life experiences, readings, research, and the unquenchable quest for spiritual wisdom that I have come to the following convictions:
“Alone is how we came to this earth at birth, and alone is how we will return at death. No human being has successfully left this earth with their material wealth. Yet, everyone seems more interested in amassing things hoping to find happiness. Many people feel stuck and entrapped without knowing where and how to start untangling themselves from their karma and the burden of social expectations. When faced with the solemnity of silence, most people know that something about their way of life is wrong. They prefer to fake their ways through life by hiding behind social masks and avatars while desperately expecting to be seen and valued for what they rightfully feel as latent values from inside. Desperate, they cling to physical pleasures, feasting, sensuality, alcoholism, and drugs, hoping to drown that inner voice incessantly warning them to change course. For many, they have blurred the line between morality and immorality, and their instincts and desires control them as opposed to being in control. Their desperate attempt to fill life with materialism leads to a more considerable inner void, emptiness, and hollowness. They would do everything to fit in by pretending and avoid “being labeled different” while discreetly carrying the unfounded feeling of worthlessness. They crave attention and admiration and are willing to do anything for it.
Without knowledge of life and self, a human is at the mercy of others’ opinions and perceptions, even though no human being was created based on others’ opinions or perceptions. They wander through life like a dead leaf in the wind. We, as humans, are the sources of our miseries; we must strive to root ourselves out of them, and God’s helping hand is always readily available through the living laws of nature. Ignorance, blind faith, fear, spiritual laziness, and dogmas heavily contribute to human miseries while benefiting the few who fight to maintain the system as is by promoting all sorts of distractions. We live in societies designed to demand and take more of the only valuables and natural assets with which we come to this life. These assets are Freedom, Time, and Talent. We trade these assets in exchange for temporary things incapable of fulfillment. True freedom is foremost spiritual and psychological. Freedom is the ability to assess, evaluate, or weigh every teaching and everything because we are bound to and are responsible for our decisions and choices.
Happiness flows from the inside out; anyone can access it anytime, regardless of their circumstances: rich, poor, young, old, or anything in between. No one came to this earth empty-handed, and no human being is insignificant. God endowed all humans with equal values, and no God-given talent shall be wasted. As ridiculous as it may sound, no human being is given more time on this earth, and no talent is better than another; the differences result from what each of us does with what God gave us since birth. No liking what you see is a call for personal change; our world vision of life adjusts with the transformation of our true nature. We are simple creatures, among many others, and we are not creators. Everyone, including you, the reader, deserve to live a more meaningful, joyful, purposeful, and fulfilled life. Many people lack the knowledge of self and life simply because they don’t invest sufficient time in learning the simple secrets of life; they expect others to tell them. It is always early enough to look for a greater purpose and meaning in life. Doing nothing will yield nothing, which is the sure path of perdition!”
I first started the happiness inside circle as a reminder to myself and my fellow human beings that happiness is an inside matter. The truth that uplifts a seeker from darkness to light exists in its clear and simple form. I hope the Hi Circle becomes a support community for individuals who, like me, strive to take control of their lives regardless of their circumstances. Through practical, clear, and simple spiritual knowledge, anyone can become a true architect of their life and master of their destiny. That, too, remains a matter of choice!
I will be honored to share ways to achieve self-awareness, find clarity, purpose, more intense meaning, personal growth, simplify your life, or anything else. It is worth the effort, mainly because there is more to gain than to lose. To get started, please let me know what you need help with.
